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Archive for the ‘Memories’ Category

Heart-Swell

I’ve been reading the reddit thread on “What’s a moment in which you felt absolutely content, like everything was perfect for just that one second?” It’s a much better read than most of reddit (for me, anyway; emotional healthwise, anyway).

I don’t have a very good recollection of an absolutely content moment, but a recent very good, heart-swelling moment was this past Fourth of July. And I think what we’re really after is the heart-swell, no?

On the tail end of a week visiting with old friends in warm, open old home state, me and current closest friend and travelbuddy get on a flight. No delays, and fireworks from our plane window. Silent fireworks going off as we flew back east. So good. Being able to see the commonality and the connectedness of celebrations that aren’t entirely aware of each other. So good. So so good.

Today, a good laugh about the tiny Christmas-town he had to put together for his aunt. She was so invested in it being set up, though she did not participate in the process at all, seeing as she was tending to Thanksgiving dinner prep instead. Two north poles and little street lamps that had to be held up by tiny snow drifts.

Work tomorrow, but I am going to focus on how I want to be a person who works to live, because it’s interesting. I don’t work because it is a surrogate love or a surrogate life. Only get one, can’t f*ck it up. At least not that way.

Safe Transitioning Out of Thanksgiving mode, friends!

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A number of small, lovely items from a few weeks ago:

1) Back to the crackling warmth, facing out over the Eastern seaboard with my friend on my right. I see our bonfire shadows on fog. It’s so thick and gray, it’s a staggered, deep, misty canvas. I flap my arms like a bird. Not a graceful bird or a majestic bird. More like a turkey or a flustered, overweight penguin. My friend sees that I’m flapping and smiling. He starts to ask what I’m doing, but before he finished his question, he’s looked up and realized. He begins to do a macro-Vogue, full- and half-arms framing a torso rather than hands around face. We’re warm and we’re flailing and we are simultaneously become shadow puppets and puppeteers.

2) Squelching boots in red mud, I assume. It’s too dark to tell and we have to leave the warm, well-lit farm house, but there’s no reason to think it’s not the same red mud we slogged up through. Friend is holding a big black umbrella against a big black night sky. New moon. I hold a plastic superhero-paneled bowl holding leftovers of probably the best chicken salad-type dish that has been brought to a potluck, but maybe Friend holds it. Somehow, I light our way with two miniature plastic flashlights  supplied by the farm house denizens, considerate. Also, pink and blue on rainbow-colored lanyards, like twinned but independent headlights as we two walk on our four feet back to the car in the dark.

3) I reach up my arms and stretch out my fingers and they touch the ceiling. I am wearing only moderate boots. I am giddy. My arms come down so I can clap in reactionary glee. It is as happy as when I saw the fried chicken for eating.

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I mention in passing to a friend the childhood ritual of being taken to Luby’s as a treat maybe once a week. I always got the same thing and darned if I don’t love my habits.

This friend looks at me blankly. Has no idea what a Luby’s is.

Oh. I know why you don’t. Below is a screenshot of the locations page.

picture-6

 

I even get a little thrill when I see Luly’s on King of the Hill. (Yes, food is that big a deal to me.)

The last time I had to strike a “too” Texan cultural reference from my repertoire, it was homecoming mums.

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Music: ”Smooth” Santana feat. Rob Thomas 

Friday, May 23, 2003 

Porntron is going to stop now. a knife to occupy Murray and a gun so you can fend him off I wonder, If I am always smiling… Love ya, Sexual Predator I’ve learned to…tolerate your eccentric ways cuz we are a DOUBLE THREAT Please remember to smile Poke 10- ah! Don’t hit me, I’ll stop poking things. I didn’t mean to make you mad. I love your attitude… You deserve better. I hope you don’t ever lose your sense of humor meat and cheese won’t be the same without you Your motto should be : ”Don’t worry, be happy” I’ll miss everything from your professional animal butt drawing to our ”Rollercoaster, coaster” song! Good luck at the Grape! You have a lightening personality; striking and illuminating. You’d never let me say so out loud, so I’m going to use this opportunity to tell you that I think you’re brilliant and wonderfully opinionated and everyone loves you! Don’t worry, I will not get mega-stupid. … you’re so unique from everyone else. I admire that. Oh, I’ve been attempting the nickname thing, and I’ve basically decided that I suck. Your sister in Christ with much love I will forever remember Herbert. Hmmm… what grammatical errors can I plant in this note? cow or really furry horse You never smiled, but we all love you still. Have fun in the years to come and let people be your friends. You show me what it means to be strong. It was so nice too to have somebody that knows the Lord For some reason at the beginning of the year I thought you hated me. I’m gonna miss kidding with you and listening to your ”Yay’s.” Actually you’re really nice (sorri joyce)- you just pretend to be mean. you kind of have this ”mama joycey”thing about you your silly post it notes! you’re so smart and so unaffected by the surrounding insanity It was cool seeing you with that crazy corsage at prom. Stay weird. I will. I’m sorry I never came up with a nickname for you- you’ve certainly earned one. you’re just never afraid to be yourself. such wonderful memories, almost like poetry when you say them you have a priceless sense of humor in all honesty I got a taste of life in its whole in indep study You have gone from being just my friend to being my second period sis This is the way high school ends! … Not with a bang but with friendship! 

I hope all our words mean something. I want to keep talking, to keep writing, because I feel on some level that if I put enough of them out there then they will solidify into something real. Like if I say it enough, we really will stay friends. Like if I tell you enough, you will be that little ray of happy in my gloomy, cynical world. Like if I keep going with this, you’ll be as understanding as I, possibly in my own desperation, believe you to be. 

But most sincerely: Thank you for a wonderful time this year .

 

____

Oh, high school. <3 Well, senior high. High school was crap. Twice read, I remember nearly all of these people and what is being referenced. It’s funny to think where we are now. And how some of these things have/n’t panned out. NOSTALGIA.

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