Posts Tagged ‘dad’

if there are any heavens my mother will

if there are any heavens my mother will(all by herself)have
one. It will not be a pansy heaven nor
a fragile heaven of lilies-of-the-valley but
it will be a heaven of blackred roses

my father will be(deep like a rose
tall like a rose)

standing near my

(swaying over her
with eyes which are really petals and see

nothing with the face of a poet really which
is a flower and not a face with
which whisper
This is my beloved my

(suddenly in sunlight

he will bow,

& the whole garden will bow)


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Merry Christmas, all!


Today, I drove like a complete jerkface. I’m sorry and hope that you will forgive me. It was stupid and wrong and wrathful for no good reason. I apologize. Then there was an accident on I95N that closed down the whole shebang for about half an hour. I took my lumps, glad it wasn’t me. (Or me-caused.)


1) That I didn’t die or hurt anyone with my jerkface driving.
2) I found the CD I had stored my “1” through “B” music files on – my 5 Sterne Deluxe, my A Perfect Circle is back! Buena Vista Social Club! Classic Disney Volumes 1-3! AND “Christmas Is All Around” from Love, Actually.
3) My dad* did not mention my having to lose weight. Not even obliquely. Yes, we hit all the other Terrible Things About Life That I Already Know. But not that one! For the first time in memory.

*who forgot to pay his phone bill so the line was disconnected. Didn’t mention to me. UGGGGGH. Still, <3.

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Some Race-Related Articles

What’s the point if I don’t offer commentary/reaction pieces? Well, a sort of reminder for me and a -pointer-> for you!

Two articles and two snapshots from the Life and Times of Joy-Z.

Article 1: You know I love Pasha Malla (who wouldn’t?). Self-Portrait of a Racist. I rather wish I could regularly be this honest, but you know, it’s not always safe. It’s easier to discuss these things in America than in other places, I suppose, if only because it is so often necessary. Hopefully I will get around to going on about how I agree with such-and-such points in this article, but for now, I’d like to note that the ‘new’ thing I saw in this article was the Tarek Fatah quotation:

“Why is it that whenever [any] ethnic minority organizes events, the only other community invited to participate is the dominant white community?” — and ends on a note of despair: “While I value diversity, I am tired of celebrating it.” Mr. Fatah insists that minority groups need to come together and celebrate their “common humanity.”

New thought nugget for chewing!

Article 2: Chinese-American activists are opposing Bill Richardson’s nomination to Obama’s cabinet based on his (mis)handling of the Wen Ho Lee case some ten years ago. 

I remember feeling superweird reading about Wen Ho Lee in the paper, ten years ago. Assorted thoughts I had:

(1) But he’s from Taiwan – how do you know what he feels about China, just because he’s Chinese?

(2) How do they deal with white guys that do this stuff? I wonder if I could find some articles on that. (Never did try.)

(3) How can they just lock him up without having determined anything really? (Oh, Younger Joyce, wait a few years and see the kind of shit that goes down on the ‘locking people up for *mumblemumble*’ front.) If someone pulled this shit on my parents, I would be fucking PISSED. (I think the article I was reading had a quotation from Lee’s daughter.)

(4) Shit, what kind of crap might I get from people about this?

Snapshot 1: First week of college, hanging out in the commons, if you will. Talking with a guy about being in a new place where everyone else knows someone, knows how things work.

Foreign not-yet-friend: Well, I’m a racist. Who isn’t? I don’t get black people. There really aren’t any back home. I can’t understand what they are saying when they talk.

Me, feeling superuncomfortable: Um, well, sure we all have people we are uncomfortable with before we know them as people and you can’t prevent having some prejudiced thoughts, but I wouldn’t call myself a racist. If I were you.

Foreign friend: But why not? I am. I, am a racist. 

Me, continuing to hedge: Well, I feel like, while that may be true, in America, it’s just too strong a word. If you say ‘racist’, the implication is that there is, in addition to the thoughts, some kind of knowing, malicious acting upon those thoughts, against people. So…

Foreign friend shrugs. Topic changes. I feel odd relief, unsure why America is as it is.

Snapshot 2: In the car with my Dad, one of many father-daughter talks. They all seem to happen in the car, when there is no escape for either of us.

Dad, very matter-of-fact, per uze: It sucks to be a minority no matter who you are or where. You’re going to get crapped on, it’s inevitable, but you just deal with it and do your thing. Your thing is your business, not the crap. (A call to study more, I’m sure.) Besides, America’s probably the best place to be a minority; there are so many minorities that you are not bearing the full brunt of the shitty treatment. Plus, you are a girl. Don’t let them give you crap!

Heh, hate as a zero-sum game. They can only enact so much hate! The upper-bound of racist effects effected!

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My dad normally responds to emails within a day.

I have not heard from him since the day after Thanksgiving. I have sent him two emails since then.

He normally screens calls, but sometimes the answering machine is full and won’t let me leave a message, so he doesn’t know it’s me.

His last email said he would clear out the voicemailbox.

Now, there is no real answer when I call. Something picks up after a few rings, but there’s no sound. After one minute, there’s a sound like hanging up and it disconnects.

I am trying to stay relatively calm. I know there are tons of possible (non-tragedy) explanations.

My current plan is to drive up there tomorrow.

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