Posted in Grab Bag, tagged angryhand, birds, boo, down, fat, Grab Bag, observ'D! on October 29, 2008| 1 Comment »
Birds are creepy with their eyes all beady and gross with their crapping on me and my car.
But tonight’s new reason for resenting them – they get down. Not like get down, get down, HUH!, but like down comforters-down.
Light and warm.
As a human, to keep warm, I get this body fat. The fat is not too great at warming, as far as I can tell. I can definitely tell that it is not light.
In sum, you stink, birds! Stink!
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged al gore, brain fart, dubya, election 2000, Grab Bag on October 26, 2008| Leave a Comment »
I could not remember who the 2000 U.S. Presidential election involved. I remembered Bush, of course Dubya. But who was the Democratic candidate? How old was I? What classes was I in? I should remember this, think, think! I couldn’t get past Kerry – I knew it wasn’t B. Clinton. Who was he endorsing? Who was the person that I felt that strange fractured feeling for after the results were in?
Thank goodness, WIkipedia. I could have kept my shame secret, but eh – AL GORE! Not a forgettable guy, just having a brain fart.
*Silent but Deadly
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged at&t, cell phone, fixit, lame, outage, service provider on October 25, 2008| Leave a Comment »
Or “The First Time I Tried Turning To Twitter (But Not Its Use)”
Friend and I stopped to help a person who flipped off her bike go to the hospital E.R.
Her phone only had one bar of battery left. I told her she could use mine. But she couldn’t because AT&T was/is having some bizarre crapfest outage. Why would they not at least tell us there might be issues? That they are working on the network and things might be spotty?
Just HOPING we don’t notice? Freakin’ lame.
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged "song", fakealbum, gradschool, law school, nonsensical, smallhappy on October 23, 2008| Leave a Comment »
Another silly “song”. A friend says a thing, I make a series of rhymes.
Things I’d Rather Do Than Be Loved By You
Dear Law School. It started out cool.
I made tons of changes for you and your love.
Law School, I learned to talk just like a tool.
Took the pressure and hung with tons of gunners.
But Law School, now, I’ve been seeing someone
A therapist who wants to ruin our fun
He said, this relationship sounds abusive,
Even mentioning Jones Day didn’t make him effusive.
Law school… It’s all over now.
I’d rather shove my head in a cow
Than be loved by you
I’d rather have them pull my teeth
Sepukku, sword from my sheath
Than sit here some more and
be “loved” by you.
Loose rhyme, loose rhyme – stilted rhythm, quirky beat
Law School … I’ve boxed up your stuff
We’re through, oh, yes, I’ve had enough
I only keep going to class for the professor’s sake
(No need to hurt the children)
Come pick up this box, damn you.
Law School, yeah, I can’t quite quit you
But that’s just massive debt, I still want to slit you
From stem to stern.
Law School, you make my words violent
I’d rather be punched in the face
Than be loved by you
I’d rather run a one-legged race,
Lose every paternity case
Than be loved by you
Stare decisis – I’m quitting, I’ll never get J.D.’d!
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged chat, conversation, funny, quote, voting on October 21, 2008| Leave a Comment »
10:21:12 PM Joyce: WALLZ
10:21:47 PM Aaron: ballz^(walls)
10:21:52 PM Joyce: !
10:27:00 PM Mana: i took a test at school
10:27:10 PM Mana: and noticed there was a bunch of old people wandering around
10:27:13 PM Mana: (i know, i sound terrible)
10:27:17 PM Mana: so i followed them
10:27:21 PM Mana: and voila! voting booths!
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged aaron eckhart, helena bonham carter, movie, popculture on October 19, 2008| Leave a Comment »
Would never be quite the same as Aaron Eckhart. I’m not done watching the movie yet, but struck by three supersalient things:
1) Nora Zehetner really looks like a younger version of Helna Bonham Carter.
2) She and Aaron Eckhart are super hot an good at their jobs.
3) The split screen is not nearly as distracting after a pretty short time and wow it allows for neat (visual) commentary. Muddles the time/storyline a bit, but maybe that’s the point. ?
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged daytum, farmer, Grab Bag, picture, plumber, presidential debates on October 17, 2008| Leave a Comment »
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged "song", jesse mccartney, mary kay letourneau, nonsensical, popculture, silly, smallhappy on October 14, 2008| Leave a Comment »
I enjoy making silly rhymes. If I had my druthers, I’d essentially be the Flight of the Conchords or similar for a living and a happy. This is also part of why I go through my days making up verses for the ‘Boom De Yada’ song.
________________________
Don’t Lie to ME, Jailbait
Jesse McCartney, you were fourteen
A bit of a time delay before you got on screen
You’re only two years younger, but you know what I mean
Watched you on Disney Channel, pretended I was a tween
But you’re trying to pull that jump from pop
Switching genres,yet stay on top (at least of the Disney Channel charts)
Landing on the charts with R&B
At least it’s already been done, by JT
Though you’re no pioneer
You can still make a fellow feel queer
And scare a girl for thinking things
About a yooooungster
(Mary Kay Letourneau, -tourneau, -tourneau…)
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged alaska, Grab Bag, inuit, julie of the wolves, sarah palin on October 14, 2008| Leave a Comment »
So in the Julie of the Wolves post, Sarah Palin gunned down Amaroq and the entire pack that had been acting as 13-year-old Julie’s family and then wheeling off into the sky.
Here is an accounting of Real Life Sarah Palin’s stance on Native American rights as told by her time as governor of Alaska.
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged baltimore, charlottesville, Grab Bag, internet, race, smallhappy, uva on October 13, 2008| Leave a Comment »
Colin Drane, also a UVA alum who moved to Baltimore, created a google maps/crime report overlay doohickey for Charlottesville. Honestly, Charlottesville’s so small, it’s only technically a city, so it would take someone who’d been here to care. In sum, HURRAH.
It’s also strange how landlords will tell me to drive by places to see if I’m okay with the neighborhood before they show me places. It makes perfect sense, but it does make it awkward in my mind – like, is the neighborhood actually bad? Are you trying to gently alert me to the fact that it’s not whitepeopleville? Are you asking if I’m a racist? I don’t know. Obviously I don’t know.
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged chat, internet-sponsored funny, koalas, nonsensical, popculture, quote, wtf on October 10, 2008| Leave a Comment »
How It Came Up (edited for readability):
7:35:34 PM Joyce:
“jason: babies are creepy
jason: they’re all small, and can get anywhere
Joyce: they can’t get anywhere
Joyce: i know
Joyce: they will not get in my belly.
Joyce: and my belly, it is a where
jason: comments like that may not make jocy want you to be an aunt”
7:35:44 PM Joyce: =(
7:37:26 PM Jocy: i would make you an auntie because you made that comment
7:37:31 PM Joyce: YAY
7:37:35 PM Joyce: i *told* him
7:37:40 PM Joyce: i told him you’d promised!
7:37:51 PM Jocy: i have pictures in my head of babies squeezing behind refrigerators
7:38:11 PM Jocy: opening the fridge to find an infestation
7:38:17 PM Jocy: babies chewing on my carrots
7:38:32 PM Jocy: all big eyed and “who *me*?” looks
7:39:09 PM Jocy: now that would be the cutest infestation ever
7:39:16 PM Jocy: take that mitch hedberg!
7:39:17 PM Joyce: take THAT koalas!
7:39:24 PM Jocy: YES!!!
7:39:24 PM Joyce: *high five*
7:39:30 PM Jocy: <3
7:39:32 PM Joyce: koalas think they’re all bad ass
…
Koalas ain’t hard… (more…)
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged commercial, discovery channel, popculture, smallhappy, tv on October 8, 2008| Leave a Comment »
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged commercial, food, gross, popculture, richard simmons, tv, yogurt on October 7, 2008| Leave a Comment »
I am about to go grocery-shopping and was considering buying some yogurt. I don’t normally eat too much yogurt, but occasionally, it’s a nice substitute for ice cream when what I really want is smooth texture.
Then, this Yoplait commercial came on with Richard Simmons and … honestly, my stomach did a little curdle and I’m not that hungry anymore.
Maybe my stomach is making its own yogurt in a self-protective move.
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged Grab Bag, helicopter, julie of the wolves, sad, sarah palin, wolves, ya fiction on October 6, 2008| 1 Comment »
I’ve never read Julie of the Wolves, but I came across a synopsis of it and thought of Sarah Palin in a helicopter, raking this wolf pack with shot. And then I pictured Julie crying as the helicopter wheeled away, leaving her with the dead bodies of the wolves who she had been living with on her run from her rapey rapey husband.
Strange how you become the person you’re presented as, not the person you might be? Also, strange to think of having a husband at thirteen.
Posted in Grab Bag, tagged failing on October 6, 2008| Leave a Comment »
“Dear World (particularly America),
I refuse to feel perpetually uncomfortable with who I am.”
My Secret Boyfriend 